We Need to Stop Tormenting Ourselves
On letting go of pain, compassionate loving, research tools, and mellow house
Hi friend,
Over the past few weeks, I've had a significant revelation regarding self-inflicted pain – not physical kind, but the emotional turmoil we inflict upon ourselves when it comes to work, business, relationships, habits, you-name-it…
For me:
Being overly critical of myself when I sit down to write this newsletter, resulting in piles of unsent drafts.
Beating myself up over the performance of our agency this year, which has been challenging—revenues have decreased substantially this year.
Engaging in negative self-talk when I attempt to step into new spaces to pitch, connect, or grow.
And when trying to move past it, I've noticed that I double down instead of releasing what's causing the pain. I cling to the struggle as part of my narrative, making the process harder, more emotional, and exhausting.
Some realizations:
Pain showing up as a necessary part of success. (No pain, no gain)
Pain showing up as a core identity to validate the struggle. (What are my difficulties if they are not a part of my journey anymore?)
Pain showing up as a procrastination technique. (Entrenching myself in the feeling, rather than the work itself)
The turning point for me was recognizing that while pain is a fact of life (things aren't always easy), the way we flow through doesn't have to be the same.
What's difficult can also be processed with ease.
We can let go of the suffering and create a compassionate path forward.
Helpful mindsets:
Embracing multiple truths. Our past experiences are just as valid as our current ones. We can empathize with our previous struggles without getting stuck in them.
Stop glorifying pain. It's neither essential, nor sustainable. Pain doesn't make the journey ahead more or less satisfying.
Practice compassionate self-talk. Treat ourselves like the friend we deserve. Kindness is a free resource we should be leveraging more often.
While this year has flown by rather quickly, a gentle reminder to slow down, let go of what's been bothering you, and invite in more compassion, ease, and joy.
What I’m up to
Enjoying the last bit of summer with picnics with friends in New York City.
For our community
For our design community: Fri, Oct 10 (We’ll be hosting a panel with some amazing design leaders for AIGA’s upcoming 2024 conference - more info to come!)
Something to read
On the topic of compassionate self talk, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, has been a delightful read.
While some parts get a bit non-secular / religious, the book has many helpful tools and stories to help us better understand ourselves and where we get stuck, truths we hold onto, and power dynamics that block us from forming deep connections with others around us.
Something to try
Globe Explorer is an interesting tool that breaks down search queries into linked topics and taxonomy. Perfect for research or self study. Try out this search for "Dachshund" or "UX Design" and be intrigued.
Something to listen
I'm a huge Jody Wisternoff fan, particularly because he exudes so much joy while he spins. His latest collaboration with James Grant in Iceland provides some beautiful and mellow beats to your day.
As always, thanks for reading! Any thoughts? Reply to email me directly. 💌
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With Metta (loving-kindness),
Steven
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