The truth of honesty
On honesty contracts, true cause of anxiety and depression, sound blocking at pride, and Parasite
Hi friend!
As a part of my immersion back into the city, I have started to dive back into the design community. This week, I attended a group therapy-like meetup for designers in New York City to discuss honesty in the workplace. Not only was it extremely nourishing to hear so many stories of other designers who have gone through similar struggles as I have in the past, but it also brought up the really interesting point of the success and failures of being honest.
Personally, I absolutely hate lying. I can't sleep at night, I beat myself up about it, I call myself ugly things... it's not healthy. Though it doesn't help when past experiences with honesty have bitten me in the ass.
When giving feedback, I've found that brutal honesty doesn't motivate others to get things done and can compromise project timelines. When applying to new jobs, not telling companies that they are my #1 has gotten me second place. And when going on dates (not work-related), telling them how I really feel (obsessive Aries) has resulted in no second date.
Why do we say we crave honesty when instead, we're actually craving the truth that fits within our narrative? Or at least admit that it feels SO good when two truths align.
When our truth doesn’t align with someone’s honesty, we dismiss it, refute it, and curse it.
But what is it even to be “honest”?
Honesty is a biased perspective. We all have different experiences that led us to where we are today. those experiences shape our perspectives on what we perceive as honesty vs lie, right vs wrong, good vs bad, reality vs hallucination. Can we even define honesty if it's implicitly biased? Is honesty even right/good/reality?
To me, honesty isn't a definition, but a contract we hold. It is our own personal contract. Our own truth.
"This is what my senses perceive, as immaculate or flawed, perfect or imperfect, as it may be. Please sign below to accept these terms."
When others sign our contract, we vow to share our truth. The unfiltered biased perceptions that we hold near and dear to our hearts.
We only have control over two things: WHO we SHOW our contracts to and WHOSE we SIGN. And when we sign someone's contract, it doesn't guarantee that they will sign ours in return. As much as this rejection hurts, it hasn't invalidated or lessened our contract in any way.
We often forget this and judge our own contract based on the behavior of others. They just chose not to sign and it's OK. We sometimes also refuse to accept that some people just don’t want to sign our contract. And no matter how many times we show them, it's not going to happen. (I’m guilty of this)
At the end of the day, all we can do is to share our contract/honesty to the world and embrace those that signed up. And when we do sign someone else's contract, promise to accept their truth as-is - without judgment or bias.
I launched another episode of Yellow Glitter this week, covering the three monumental LGBT cases that went in front of the Supreme Court last week. I cover why it’s significant and some advice on how to manage discrimination in the workplace. Check it out and let me know your thoughts!
True cause of anxiety and depression
Recently watched a TED talk on an interesting insight into the main cause and purpose of anxiety and depression.
“One key reason is that our ancestors on the savannas of Africa were really good at one thing. They weren't bigger than the animals they took down a lot of the time, they weren't faster than the animals they took down a lot of the time, but they were much better at banding together into groups and cooperating. This was our superpower as a species -- we band together, just like bees evolved to live in a hive, humans evolved to live in a tribe. And we are the first humans ever to disband our tribes. And it is making us feel awful. But it doesn't have to be this way.”
Innovation I can get into
At the most recent pride celebration in Atlanta, artist Matthew Terrell created sound-reducing boards to combat anti-LGBTQ+ protestors.
Terrell said he found a 25% noise reduction when using the panels. He bought his own megaphone and measured the panels' effectiveness himself, finding a drop from 94 decibels down to 72 decibels with just one panel.
But noise reduction isn't the panels' only feature. The back of the panels -- the side that faces the anti-LGBTQ protesters -- is mirrored, so when protesters are yelling, they see themselves reflected back.
I absolutely love it when artists create genius inventions that combat hate in this country.
An unforgettable movie
Snowpiercer director Bong Joon-ho directed a South Korean satire/comedy/thriller that is mind-bending, heart-wrenching, and everything in between. I'm typically one to predict everything in a movie as it happens, but this one kept me wondering what was going to happen next every minute. One of my favorite movies I've seen this year. (Along with Hustlers, because, JLo)
Parasite has a 99% on Rotten Tomatoes (100% audience score) and 8.5 on IMDB.
As always, thanks for reading!
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Have a beautiful day!
Metta (loving-kindness),
Steven
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